


'Under Our Feet': A Brand New Documentary For Radio 4

by AutisticWriter



Category: Harry & Paul (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Fluff, Mostly Gen, Mugging, Multi, One Shot, Radio, Screenplay/Script Format, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: The producer and presenter of yet another boring documentary on Radio 4 manage to (temporarily) stop a mugging, but are more interested in the pavement.





	

_Two men, a presenter and a producer or a radio programme, are walking down the high street of a busy town. The producer is wearing headphones and carrying a recording device, and the presenter is holding a microphone. They are both staring down at the pavement, apparently engrossed._

**Presenter** : As I walk along the high street, I am able to see many different examples of paving slabs. There are the old limestone slabs that were laid in the eighteenth century, which, unfortunately, have suffered at the hands of acid rain and are now very eroded and uneven. In fact, I tripped over one of these eroded slabs a few minutes ago and I almost fell. I suppose if I was a teenager, I would have just said that I ‘stacked it’, as that is what my nephew said last week when he tripped.

_The producer starts giggling, and covers his mouth as the presenter continues to talk._

**Presenter** : Anyway, this problem has led to the most damaged of these old slabs to be replaced. The second type of slabs here are plain grey concrete slabs, which, despite their dreary appearance, are most practical, and most of them have survived since their installation in the early nineteen sixties. Now, here we have...

 **Woman** : Leave me alone! Get off my fucking bag!

_The presenter looks up and sees a woman and a man fighting over a handbag. Beside him, the producer presses a button on recording device. The man is dressed in a hoodie, and the woman appears very distressed._

**Man** : Just give it ‘ere!

 **Woman** : No! Get off!

 **Producer** : Uh, excuse me. Can you be quiet for a moment, please?

 **Woman** : ( _Outraged_ ) He’s trying to steal my fucking bag!

 **Producer** : I know, but we’re trying to make a documentary. It’s for Radio Four.

_The man and woman suddenly stop fighting, and stare at him, looking delighted._

**Woman** : Wow.

 **Man** : What’s it about?

 **Producer** : It’s called ‘Under Our Feet’.

 **Presenter** : It’s all about different types of ground surfacing. This episode is specifically about paving slabs.

 **Producer** : So, is it all right if you’re quiet for a minute?

 **Woman** : No, no, that’s fine.

 **Producer** : Thank you. So... three, two, one and...action.

_He and the presenter start walking forwards, once again staring at the ground._

**Presenter:** And as I step forwards again, I can see this paving slab has been removed – presumably because it broke – and has been filled in rather haphazardly with tarmac. It rather disrupts the look of the concrete paving slabs, but I suppose it must be cheaper to use tarmac. Still, the mismatched paving slabs and tarmac filler means that this high street looks very much like a chess board.

 **Producer** : ( _Giggling_ ) And, cut. That was brilliant. ( _To the man and woman_ ) Thanks very much.

_They walk away from the man and the woman. As soon as they have turned away, the man resumes trying to steal the bag as though he hadn’t been interrupted. The producer and the presenter don’t seem to notice this happening behind them. The producer takes his headphones off and hangs them around his neck._

**Presenter** : Did you really think that was brilliant?

 **Producer** : Yes, it was. You really painted a picture with your words.

 **Presenter** : ( _Smiling_ ) Thank you. Now, would you like to get a decaffeinated coffee with soya milk?

 **Producer** : ( _Also smiling_ ) I would love one.

_As the two of them walk towards the coffee shop, the producer takes the presenter’s hand._

**Producer:** I love you, Miles.

 **Presenter** : I love you too.


End file.
